thegreatlukejames:

i am afraid to perform. I’m afraid when i perform. there is no way i can get around it. so therefore i use that idea of fear. amongst other reasons that is why i go for blood. i sing my heart out. because i refuse to let an imaginary motherfucker like fear beat me.

I do the same when I dance.
If only I could apply the same tactic to everyday life …

Been home for a full week since graduating & alotta shyt is on my mind. Thinking about writing all this crap is making me upset. Idk why. I hate sitting & thinking for long periods of time & when I’m done still not knowing wtf is wrong w/ me, how to decipher my thoughts & feelings, and wat to do better to make me a better me. Got some skin tags (moles) removed I’ve had for a looonngg time, thinking it wud make me feel better. It didn’t. Tho its a relief to not be as self conscious as I was, esp. wearing low cut shirts, I don’t feel like much has changed. Prolly b/c it didn’t. I’m fat. & until I take steps towards changing tht, no procedure or wardrobe or haircut can make me feel any better than a lard ass. This job search shyt is crazy. I’ve found a few jobs in my area w/ the help of some former classmates & I’m pretty excited. I’ve been sending out my resume, puttn in apps but sumthin in the back of my mind is like whoooaaa! Nigga ur bouta be a whole adult w/ bills n shyt & a 9-5. Altho no job in media is ever 9-5, tht responsibility of waking up every morning w/ the sole task of working for a company to make shyt run smoothly is scary. I can do tht shyt tho. Eff it rock out. I have so much more shyt say but I’m tired of typing. Fat problems. Adios.

I hate school work yo. As easy as it is to write this post, I could be writing my paper for my master’s project. Shyt is due tomorrow, b. Let’s just digest that … my MASTER’S project/paper is due tomorrow & it’s not complete. & guess who’s been chillin the entire..hell the entire semester forreal? This guy. I care about nothing school related right now. My degree is on the line & I’m like, whatever.

We’ll see how this goes.

I cant wait for my birthday. the sole reason i’m so excited is the show I’ll be seeing. last night, i randomly bought tickets to Motown: The Musical on Broadway! I never do anything for my birthday. Never. I dont get gifts, surprises, anything. Though, i really do enjoy facebook & twitter posts wishing me a happy bday. I feel quite special because of those. But, seeing a Broadway play will make my year mane. Motown is my FAVORITE record label & era of music. Im gonna have a whole ball. Im excited just thinking about it.

24.